It’s now 3 and a half months since my surgery and I find it funny somehow. I sat at my surgeons office today and I thought…my god, a year ago I sat here and I had no clue how things would turn out, scared as hell, worrying and in doubt.
Today I’m there again and the only thing that hasn’t changed is the waiting time before the appointment
But first things first: I always have to check in with the dietitian. Apparently I have now lost exactly 21,5 kilos. What the hell! Unbelievable, isn’t it? I’m so happy about it!
What’s not so good though is that I’m still not eating enough protein. My values go down and are on the limit now. My problem is that I am still not a big fan of the proteins! I should eat much more meat, cheese, drink milk…I know that sounds good to most people, but I just can’t or don’t want to eat as much of it as I should. I am trying now to have more yoghurt or so, at least at work, and leave out some carbs in the evening so my stomach has more room for the proteins. Protein shakes are still out of the question for me.
I tried to speak to the dietitian about it but she seemed not impressed and kept on interrupting me. How annoying. When I walked out I was wondering why I even tried to speak. She has tons of people every day and gives them similar advice. She hears tons of bullshit people come up with. I shouldn’t have started the old habit of explaining myself. Just listen to what she says, acknowledge it, work on it. No BS.
At the surgeons office I was left in a room with Dr. Awkward Silence! I swear, the most time we did not speak and just sat in a room together was 17 minutes! That’s a seriously long silence! Today it wasn’t so bad. It’s not that he isn’t nice or so. But he just waits for the surgeon and until then stares at my papers, at the screen, back at my papers, presses a button on his keyboard, stares back at the screen and back at my papers. Wow!
He also gave me some zinc tablets that I have to take additionally to my vitamins and the calcium (I must admit, I am not too thorough with that ) because my hair was falling out. The dietitian and both doctor’s told me that’s quite normal due to hormonal changes. I’m just so scared, my hair is already quite short, I don’t want to be half-bald :’(
Anyway, both were really happy about my weightloss and when I told them that I work out 2-3 times a week. I like telling that because I have come to like working out so much! However, the dietitian was not too impressed. Yeah well, after the surgery weight loss still doesn’t come for free…well thank you for that insight. I was hoping for a “oh that’s great for you”, but nevermind.
So, many people now ask me, how has my life actually changed. Let me give you a quick overview.
In many ways, my life has not changed a bit, and in other ways everything is different. I had thought my whole life would become messed up, but that’s not true. I am still living a normal life and I am hardly ever limited. What’s become difficult is eating out. Since I can’t drink 30 minutes before and after each meal, it’s pointless for me to order a drink until we almost have to ask for the cheque. Also I have a hard time ordering something. Usually I order a normal portion, but that’s just stupid because first of all, I won’t make it! But when the only dishes for kids on the menu are Spaghetti Marinara or chicken nuggets I kind of have to. Or at least I think I have to because I’m a bit afraid to ask for a smaller portion. Imagine that, the fat lady asking for a small portion. I don’t know, it feels weird. To ME! Probably nobody at the restaurant will care. So the last times I went out with my husband we ordered platters for 2 people and that worked out fine for us.
What else has changed…my clothes still fit me, I have already bought something new from H&M (yay) but most of the clothes I own are so nice and stretchy they still fit. It feels good looking different in the same clothes. What I have noticed the most is how my face has changed. I like looking in the mirror again because I do recognize that person again that’s staring back at me.
I absolutely love how my head and my heart are okay with eating less and how I don’t mind if I have leftovers. I don’t mind saying I’m full. I’m not completely stuffed anymore. I just L O V E how much less I pay for groceries these days and how great we manage to keep readymade foods out of our house. Almost everything we cook is self prepared, very rarely we have Pizza or so, we used to have Pizza almost every week before. And I love the cooking itself! It feels great chopping a celery stalk and some carrots and watch a great meal evolve from that. And I do love the meals as well. We are trying many new things and I’m so unbelievably happy that I can still eat so much yummy stuff.
I am more than happy actually feeling that I have become “less”. I feel it when I’m showering or just when I use hygiene products. Also, I quit smoking 7 months ago and it still works out for me. I am not drinking any alcohol at the moment.Exercising feels awesome! I love how my body asks for more, how my body does not feel tired and does not hurt for so much longer than usual. I love how I don’t mind walking a few steps or stairs more than necessary. When I see a flight of stairs, I see an opportunity and not pain and exhaustion. I tell myself come on, you wanna do it in Dubrovnik, you gotta do it right here right now. And then I just do it.
So lucky that I’m not having any problems at all with throwing up, with stomach aches or anything. Yes, sometimes I get dizzy and yes I am losing some hair at the moment. But what I am getting back for it is indescribable. My blood pressure is so perfect that the nurses raise their eyebrows. I got all my “woman-stuff” back on a regular basis. And most importantly, my head is finally having some peace. That leads to so much confidence which leads to a great mood – and people are returning that. I get so many compliments, also from strangers nowadays and I have become a little more open as well.
I feel truly blessed. I am using my second chance.