Everybody loses weight while I just seem to lose my mind

22 Dec

 

Today I have deleted everything and everyone online that has something to do with weight loss surgery, especially from Instagram. I thought it might help, following people on their journey and share something while I’m on mine. Turns out, it just fucks me up completely.

You don’t know how well I’m doing at the moment. That is because in the past four weeks I have not written anything here. The reason for that is my back! It still hurts and it is quite painful to sit with my laptop, typing for a longer period of time. But right now I don’t mind because I am so frustrated!!!!!!!!!

Yes I am doing well, NO I do not have any reason to complain. I am not in pain, I am never hungry, my mind feels strong and healthy, I’m okay with eating less which is much more than I hoped. But do you know what really pisses me off today? The posts of other people.

A girl on Instagram claims to have lost 23 pounds – in 9 days after her surgery. That is as much as I have lost until now. Okay that’s a lie: it’s more than what I have lost until now. I am on 10 kilos now. For almost 2 weeks I’m on always the same weight. I know what you’re going to say (and I’m not denying that you are absolutely right): 10 kilos in 5 weeks, it IS a lot, yes, it’s better for the body to take it slower, no, it’s not a desaster. But why does it make me feel so weird?
Another girl who commented on that account said she had “lost ONLY 40 pounds in the first 5 weeks”. You have got to be shitting me! ONLY 40 pounds? Let me give you one more pound – in the face! And then there’s me, with my measly 20 pounds in 5 weeks.

I should be okay with that. No, I should be happy. It’s not that I’m not happy! But when you have changed your life so radically, you want to see a reward, right? In the last weeks I ate less unhealthy things than I used to have on an average day. I am trying to eat more proteins and even had a few dinners without carbs. I haven’t had like…a pizza in over 2 months, I drink my tea without any sweeteners most of the time and I’m not drinking any soft drinks. And I’m fine, which I didn’t think I would be! But I also want to see results. And it’s not that I’m ungrateful for what I have reached until now. I just want to feel rewarded for what I’m doing. Because this was my last hope. If this does not work out, I don’t know what will.

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