I am not a believer. I believe only in things we can say and do. That is what defines you. Although when I came to the office after my hospital appointment this morning I googled “Karma” and on the Wikipedia page I found this:
A common theme to theories of karma is its principle of causality. One of the earliest association of karma to causality occurs in the Brihadaranyaka Upanishad of Hinduism. For example, at 4.5.5-6, it states:
Now as a man is like this or like that,
according as he acts and according as he behaves, so will he be;
a man of good acts will become good, a man of bad acts, bad;
he becomes pure by pure deeds, bad by bad deeds;
And here they say that a person consists of desires,
and as is his desire, so is his will;
and as is his will, so is his deed;
and whatever deed he does, that he will reap.
I do believe this is true though.
Many things have changed for me. Partly because life just changed, but partly because I wanted them to change. I’m more aware of myself and my environment, my wants and needs. I quit smoking 8 months ago and sometimes I still miss it. But I feel so much better without it. I hardly ever drink anymore and I don’t miss it. It doesn’t mean I’m never going to be drunk anymore, but I have started questioning the glorification of alcohol and being drunk. It’s not that I will judge you if you like to drink, it’s just that I started thinking about myself. So don’t get me wrong here.
I have started changing my consumer’s behaviour and decided for myself to clean out my bathroom and switch to products that are either vegan or at least animal cruelty free. I am not an expert at this, I do this solely based on information I find on the net. I follow a few pages and buy according to their lists. I have stopped buying products for body hygiene or cleaning from the big manufacturers such as Unilever, Procter & Gamble, Johnson & Johnson and so on. I’m still annoyed that Unilever & co. are still in my shopping basket when I buy groceries, though.
The next step is trying to avoid cheap meat. My husband and I are planning to support local shops again, but we will discuss first where we find it okay to spend more and on what products. We have agreed on the meat already so that will come really soon.
Again, don’t get me wrong. I’m not trying to save the world. I know that even though I try to be more careful I still have no clue about many things that are in my shopping basket. So, what if I buy a face cream without animal testing, but my shoes are still made in Vietnam, made by underpaid men and women working overhours just to give their family a meal a day. But what if I stop buying those shoes? Will these families be happier if I didn’t buy their shoes, they would lose their jobs and could not provide their family anymore?
I have spent many hours thinking about this. I know when I buy cheap, there’s someone who “pays” for this price. Mostly the people who work for those companies. But how do I find out what’s fair and what’s not? I don’t buy a certain brand of milk anymore because I simply boycot this manufacturer and all its brands. But how do I know other companies aren’t doing the same shit I’m boycotting this brand for?
Well you see, there are still many questions, but I was sick of just asking and wondering, so I got started. I want to be a better person and give something back. I have donated to several good causes last year (there will be another blog entry about my adopted monkey, I visited him yesterday!!!) and now I have finally started to change the way I consume. I did not want to accept the way I used to live anymore. I wanted and needed change. Not just my body, but all of the things around me. I have lost and lacked ideals and personal standards in the last years and I enjoy the change. I enjoy cooking fresh, I’m happy to buy less and less so-called convenience food (although I still enjoy some crap every once in a while, come on, I’m only human 🙂 ).
Yes, I like the way I am right now. I like my hobbies, I like what I do, I like how I spend my time. I like that I work out and I like seeing the changes on the in- and outside of me, and around me. I like the people that surround me although my new lifestyle forces me to spend less time with them. I’m sorry for that, I hope you know that it doesn’t mean I care less about you, I just have to be really careful with myself right now!
The reason for all this blablabla is, that I had another appointment at the hospital today. I am now 27,4 kilos down. That means I am down a whopping 10 BMI points. My protein is finally good (I really watched out there!!) and overall they’re pleased with how I’m doing (and so am I, duh). And as I walked down the corridors I thought…you deserve this. All these years where I felt so sad and lost and thought my life is going nowhere. All these years where I thought that I needed food and couldn’t do without it. And now I see everything clearer as ever.
I’m still not perfect. Not trying to save the world. Not expecting this from anyone. Just trying to figure out what truly makes me happy. I feel that having goals and ideals makes me feel better. I believe it all comes together, everything you do triggers another event. I do believe that what goes around, comes around. Otherwise there is no explanation for how I feel today.