Last night I was chatting with a friend. We talked about how we got tricked by people we met on the internet. It’s a rather painful subject that I most certainly don’t want to spread out here. But it reminded me of some letters I wrote.
So this morning I took my old diary to work. I have letters in there I wrote to those who have hurt me. Or who I have hurt. I found a diary entry from today, 9 years ago. It said
It seems like they have it all and I have nothing. I can’t even afford a new pair of pants. I am such a failure. While they’re going 2 steps forward, I am standing still or going backwards. I am so ashamed of myself, I am such a loser.
Funny how things change, right? I find it difficult to read this. I still know that person that wrote those horrible lines about self doubt, self hatred and who shamed her own body. She was so angry and so sad. She’s still a part of me sometimes. But when I read about all the struggles she had 10 years ago…I know that she won. And that makes me proud of her.